It has been almost 10 months since you passed away before my eyes. My first child was four months old almost to the day when you passed. I can’t say I have mastered the art of grieving while caring for a newborn. My grief had to take a backseat. But it’s not just about grief. Our relationship was complicated, and your death has left me with the need to make sense of it. Before you died, I focused too much on the negative aspects of our relationship, and then afterwards, I only wanted to focus on the positive. Here, I won’t leave anything out. I will include the good, the bad, and everything in between. I owe it to you, and I owe it to myself.