So, this morning I gave Pookie my old iPhone to play with (I know- I shouldn’t do it all the time, but he was having a rough morning and really REALLY wanted it), and we started to listen to some of my iTunes. First, we listened to some Vampire Weekend (you wouldn’t like them), then (yes, it’s true) “Ice Ice Baby” over and over (if you even remember that song, you definitely wouldn’t approve, but Pookie loved it), but then I set iTunes to play all of my songs on random, which is always fun. Some good stuff came on – Angel Olsen, Stromae, Damien Jurado and The National. It’s amazing what this all did for my mood. Lately, I’ve been so depressed that I stopped even enjoying music at all. But today was different.
Suddenly, a song from Les Misérables (the original London cast of course) came on. I’m pretty sure it was “Do You Hear the People Sing?,” and, suddenly, I was consumed with thoughts of you. Pookie and I listened to the whole soundtrack. He really seemed to love all of Eponine’s songs – those were always my favorite! – and was doing his cute little dance to them. As always, I was extremely moved by the incredible beauty of every single one of the tracks, and I was thinking about how lucky I am that you got me into Les Mis.
I must have been 10 or 11. We still lived in the big house in Chateau Estates. I would play the soundtrack in the den and sing along while dancing around the pool table. You had gone to London with Charlie and seen it there. Then the big day came when you took me to see the musical. I’m not sure how much I understood, but it blew my mind. Now I’ve seen it a total of three times and counting.
But back to this morning. As I’m enjoying the music with my son and concentrating all of my thoughts on you and how I have you to thank for my appreciation for music like this and in general, I had a realization. I looked at my watch and realized that today is the first anniversary of your death. I knew it was coming up, but I had forgotten until that moment.
Dad, I just can’t believe that it was accidental that the morning went the way it did. I believe that you were right there with us. I miss you so much it’s insane. It wasn’t easy to get through this year. But this morning gave me a hint of good things to come. I know you would want me and my little family to be happy, and I’m going to try hard to make that happen.
I’m also going to pass on my love of music to Pookie. That’ll be one of your many gifts to him.